in the post office today,
standing in front of me in line,
was this woman
who brought tears to my eyes...
she was buying a
whole bunch of money orders,
obviously to pay bills because
she had no checking account.
I've KNOWN her.
I've BEEN her.
she had on this sad blue sweater
that was all pills on the elbows
and neck
and wrists
and her blue knit pants
were all stretched out and saggy
and she was smiling this smile
that I've seen (and given)
a million times before,
that says
"I know you know
this is just about all my money in the world,
but I'm doing the best I can
with the best I can".
and I know what her house looks like
and I know what her kitchen looks like.
I know her table and her kids.
I know her car and her yard.
and I wanted to go up to her and hug her.
I wanted to say you're doing just fine.
you'll be okay.
but I didn't.
I just stood there in my stupid suit and tie.
and she paid the guy
in these poor mismatched twenties and tens
and fives and ones
and when the guy said
"you're short a dollar thirty five"
I wanted to reach out and hand it to him
and say shut up,
can't you see anything
with your heart instead of your head?
but I just stood there
in my stupid suit
as she turned around
and smiled
and walked away.
today. wednesday.
Ah, me.
John Yamrus
October 8, 1998